Post by DarkDeityofDespair on Dec 12, 2012 19:29:55 GMT -5
WARNING: This story tends to be a bit dark and is not complete yet. I just wanted to share the prologue and chapter 1 for you guys to read and add your opinions on and I will try to take all comments into account. Without further ado, get yourself ready
~By Cole Donaldson
Prologue: I Didn’t Want This
Hello there…my name used to be Axel… I don’t think I deserve to be called anything halfway pleasant. I’m not used to it anymore. I didn’t ask for any of this to happen…for me to get stuck here because of my depression…or to feel bad for other peoples’ pain, even though I didn’t cause any of it. I went down into the depths of despair and even though I had all of my friends with me 100% the entire time, I felt as if I were entirely alone. As if I didn’t matter to them anymore, if I had meant anything to them in the first place.
I’ve thought about just ending it all. Ending all the suffering that people cause me and that people say I cause them, even though I try to be nice to everyone. I try to help them with their problems, even when I’m falling in and out of life, not wanting to exist, just being…alive I suppose.
Everything just sort of went to shit after my 8th grade year. The summer had started in full spring and I was stuck at home on my computer not talking to a single soul except those that had a Facebook or a cell phone. I got into a long distance relationship with a girl from Washington for about three weeks and would talk to her everyday…then she ignored me for an entire week and said that it was my fault that we were breaking up and that I had driven her friend Sean away from her. Strike one for my pitiful life.
Then, I started really getting into this live broadcasting website that allowed me to meet so many new people, including my now best friends Luna and Xavier. Turns out that they had went to my school all these years, but I had never suspected them to like me. Luna’s always been the girl that everyone admired, but nobody could ever have. Xavier was the skinny kid that would always stay home and play video games if it wasn’t a school day. I love going to his house to see what new games he has…probably Halo or Assassin’s Creed…those games are the shit. I can’t do this much longer…here’s how everything came to be…
Chapter 1: New Heartbreak
I’ve been in love with Luna ever since I met her just a few months ago; when we both got on the live broadcasting site and realized that we’re both in drama. Her purple hair makes people think that she’s scene and “emo” but she’s just a sweet as heck girl that loves kittens and hanging with Xavier and me. Purple’s my favorite color and she told me two weeks ago that she dyed it just for me while we were both in homeroom. I, being the shy guy that I usually am, just smiled awkwardly like a dummy and while I was blushing, said a small “Thank you,” and went on my merry way through the rest of the day without once thinking that she may have liked me back. Why, you may ask, am I beating myself up over this seemingly small fact? Because I had a feeling that she actually liked me. Not just friendship, but more. Something more than friendship, which was what I had been wishing for every night before I went to sleep or my silly attempt at sleeping. The nightmares seem to come every night, the voices telling me to commit suicide…but I did not want to listen to them anymore…
That’s why I’m stuck here in this god forsaken place. I tried to commit suicide for the first time just a mere week ago. I have my reasons for wanting it all to end. Mainly, that reason is the feeling of loneliness that I get when I’m all alone and I start feeling depressed. When I feel depressed, I start to feel like nobody loves me. Not like my dad would give two shits about whether I’m alive or not. My friends didn’t even talk to me that day…they said they were busy doing some form of community service to help make this world a better place…anyway, I made my decision.
I took one of my father’s razors, not one of the cruddy disposable ones that you buy at a grocery store, but the real deal, a shaving blade. I think about immediately just slitting my wrists for a second of weakness, but I find my resolve and decide to just put it in my coat pocket.
Around 9 P.M, when I knew that my father and my brother would be asleep, I slipped outside to take a small walk. I already knew where I was going to go before I stepped foot out the door. I was heading to Luna’s house to see if she could help me with my insatiable addiction to sadness. If she could somehow clear all of this up and make my life better.
I kept walking at a steady pace of four blocks every five minutes or so. I needed to see her. I wanted to see her and just fall into her arms and have her say “It’ll be alright,” when I know in the back of my mind that it won’t be okay…like it ever is. I close my eyes softly as the blocks pass by almost in a blur. Four hundred…five hundred…six hundred… Finally, I reach Luna’s familiar house, the memories streaming in from my brain as I smell the lavender plant sitting on the porch.
I open my eyes as I look up to find that Luna’s light is still on, which is strange considering the fact that she usually goes to bed around eight-thirty. I wonder what the hell’s going on up there as I gently step on the stairs leading to the porch, being very careful of the third stair, knowing that it’s the one that always creaks. I drag my feet gently across the porch, seeing a pair of hazel eyes staring at me.
“What are you doing out here in the cold Mica? You know you’ll get a cold,” I murmur softly as I hear the panting of an Alaskan husky in the corner as she runs up to me and starts licking my face off as I start laughing, a small amount of joy bubbling out to find itself carried away almost instantly. I sigh as a migraine starts forming in the back of my head, the pain almost unbearable. I knock three monotone knocks with my right hand, the vibrations echoing off the door.
“Hello? Anybody home?” I call out, hoping that Luna can somehow hear me from all the way up there in her room. No answer at all, not even her mom is answering the door, which is quite unusual for her. My hyperactive mind starts to try and work out exactly what the hell is going on with Luna…maybe she’s studying for the Biology quiz or something important like that, but even then…
The light radiating from the house intensifies as the door opens, revealing a middle-aged woman with light blond hair that looks to be almost white, even though she’s only in her forties. She smiled faintly, like a ghost appearing on her face before it was gone and her eyes were staring me up and down.
“What the heck are you doing here at this time of night, Axel? I understand that you may be here to see Luna, but she’s upstairs with her new…boyfriend.” Luna’s mom smiles again and this time her smile doesn’t go away like it did when she saw me. What the hell? I’m not mean or anything but nice to Luna and this is how her mom treats me…wait just a second…
“Luna has a boyfriend? When did she start dating him?” I shake my head softly, not wanting all of this to be true. It just can’t be…she would have told me if she was going out with anybody. She would have texted me, or messaged me on Facebook…something. Something’s not right here…
“What’s all the noise about?” Luna starts coming down the stairs in her cupcake pajamas when she stops halfway and sees me in the doorway. “Axel…what are you even doing here?” Luna comes down the rest of the stairs slowly, one by one as she looks at her mom and then back at me, as if they can speak telepathically.
“I can ask you the same thing.” I respond calmly, my emotions not playing any part in my decisions. I know that this can’t be happening…it just can’t be true. I hear footsteps nearing ever so slightly closer as I look up, tears already making their presence known in the corners of my eyes… A guy of around fifteen years old comes down the stairs, shirtless. Just my fucking luck…I open my eyes a bit wider and see…
“Xavier…what the hell are you doing here with your shirt off?” My arms start shaking uncontrollably, my head starting to pound as the razor falls down my sleeve into my grasp… I grip it tightly, my fingers gently leaking blood out onto the patio as I watch my friend wrap his arms around Luna, her body molding into his perfectly as he presses her closer to his chest, as if protecting her from some unseen monster.
“I was just upstairs getting a handy from your crush. What are you going to do about it?” Xavier smirks wickedly, the likes of when he wins at a video game that I am superior at. I break the razor resting in my hand in half, blood oozing in two directions as I feel my heart breaking from inside my chest. I just can’t take this anymore…I have to make my move now or never. I pull out my pocket knife that I had gotten when I used to be in the Boy Scouts and slit across my left wrist like so many times before, the burning sensation somewhat comforting to my numb mind, no emotion being able to control my actions. The burn feels amazing as I try to drag the blade across my right wrist, but something stops me…stupid survival instinct…why don’t you just let me die? I tremble as I start swaying, the loss of blood causing me to be off balance. I trip over my own feet and land head first on the icy patio, my head ringing from the velocity in which I hit the ground.
“AXEL!” I hear Luna scream light years away, even though in reality she’s only ten feet or so away. She tries to break free of Xavier’s grasp, but he throws her back inside of the house and closes the door, pushing the bench in front of it to make sure that she can’t even attempt to get back outside. He smiles wickedly as he picks up the knife that had dropped from my fingertips as I fell. Luna pounds on the window, screaming my name and for Xavier to stop, but he wouldn’t listen to her gentle pleas.
By now, my blood had already started soaking into the floorboards, a puddle forming beneath me. Xavier came over to me and leaned down on one knee, holding my knife in his freakishly small fist, his knuckles white from holding on so tightly. Luna breaks the window with one of those dog statues that her dad used to collect. She climbs through the window, tears streaming down her face as she looks at Xavier and then back to me on the ground. He stands up from where he’s kneeling and comes barreling straight towards Luna, the knife that was meant to be aimed at me now locked onto her.
“No!” I whisper, my voice barely audible as I try to get up. I keep slipping in my own blood, my arms turning to Jell-O where the cuts are, still oozing out blood, but at a much slower pace. I bite my lip roughly to not let my screams of agony pour out as I struggle again to stand up without slipping in my blood. I look up to see the thing that will curse my nightmares forever. Xavier had reached Luna before I could even get up, his knife resting right against her throat, a thin line of blood slowly streaming down from the pressure he’s exerting on the knife.
“Don’t make a step, or Luna shall die at my hand.” Xavier yells out, a crazy glimmer in his eyes as he presses the knife ever so slightly deeper. My mind decides now to start thinking about what happened to Luna’s mom…I look around and find her lying on the ground, her jugulars cut to shreds, making it look as if a wild animal had torn her throat out. I start to cry, knowing now that if I don’t do something, that Luna and I will both die…my shoulders shake as I try to take a step closer, out of the blood.
I shouldn’t have even thought about taking a step forward. My legs give out as I watch Xavier slit Luna’s throat in one fatal sweep, her body giving way as she clutches her throat, blood spurting out of it like a fountain. She drops to the ground and looks at me, her eyes slowly glassing over as she says four little words. “I love you, Axel,” before her breathing stops and she lies on the ground, dead. An anger the likes I’ve never felt before bubbles from inside of me as I see Xavier talking on his cell phone.
“Yes, he’s still here, but you need to get here fast if you’re going to be here in time. He tried committing suicide right after he killed these two poor, poor souls and he’s just about to bleed out…Thank you officers.” Xavier hangs up the phone and smiles widely as he comes back to me.
“Looks like you’re going to be in a shit ton of trouble, friend. Let me help you.” He drops the knife and wraps my fingers around it, making it look as if I was the person that killed Luna and her mom… My eyes start to flutter close as I start feeling the pull of death seeping through my body.
“I will freaking kill you, Xavier. Mark my words; I will get back at you for all of this. I will find a way.” Xavier laughs in my face as he starts running down the stairs leading up to the house. “Catch me if you can.” He smiles as the sirens start being heard from down the street, and as I feel the darkness surround my soul, I know that this isn't going to be the end…not by a long shot.
~By Cole Donaldson
Prologue: I Didn’t Want This
Hello there…my name used to be Axel… I don’t think I deserve to be called anything halfway pleasant. I’m not used to it anymore. I didn’t ask for any of this to happen…for me to get stuck here because of my depression…or to feel bad for other peoples’ pain, even though I didn’t cause any of it. I went down into the depths of despair and even though I had all of my friends with me 100% the entire time, I felt as if I were entirely alone. As if I didn’t matter to them anymore, if I had meant anything to them in the first place.
I’ve thought about just ending it all. Ending all the suffering that people cause me and that people say I cause them, even though I try to be nice to everyone. I try to help them with their problems, even when I’m falling in and out of life, not wanting to exist, just being…alive I suppose.
Everything just sort of went to shit after my 8th grade year. The summer had started in full spring and I was stuck at home on my computer not talking to a single soul except those that had a Facebook or a cell phone. I got into a long distance relationship with a girl from Washington for about three weeks and would talk to her everyday…then she ignored me for an entire week and said that it was my fault that we were breaking up and that I had driven her friend Sean away from her. Strike one for my pitiful life.
Then, I started really getting into this live broadcasting website that allowed me to meet so many new people, including my now best friends Luna and Xavier. Turns out that they had went to my school all these years, but I had never suspected them to like me. Luna’s always been the girl that everyone admired, but nobody could ever have. Xavier was the skinny kid that would always stay home and play video games if it wasn’t a school day. I love going to his house to see what new games he has…probably Halo or Assassin’s Creed…those games are the shit. I can’t do this much longer…here’s how everything came to be…
Chapter 1: New Heartbreak
I’ve been in love with Luna ever since I met her just a few months ago; when we both got on the live broadcasting site and realized that we’re both in drama. Her purple hair makes people think that she’s scene and “emo” but she’s just a sweet as heck girl that loves kittens and hanging with Xavier and me. Purple’s my favorite color and she told me two weeks ago that she dyed it just for me while we were both in homeroom. I, being the shy guy that I usually am, just smiled awkwardly like a dummy and while I was blushing, said a small “Thank you,” and went on my merry way through the rest of the day without once thinking that she may have liked me back. Why, you may ask, am I beating myself up over this seemingly small fact? Because I had a feeling that she actually liked me. Not just friendship, but more. Something more than friendship, which was what I had been wishing for every night before I went to sleep or my silly attempt at sleeping. The nightmares seem to come every night, the voices telling me to commit suicide…but I did not want to listen to them anymore…
That’s why I’m stuck here in this god forsaken place. I tried to commit suicide for the first time just a mere week ago. I have my reasons for wanting it all to end. Mainly, that reason is the feeling of loneliness that I get when I’m all alone and I start feeling depressed. When I feel depressed, I start to feel like nobody loves me. Not like my dad would give two shits about whether I’m alive or not. My friends didn’t even talk to me that day…they said they were busy doing some form of community service to help make this world a better place…anyway, I made my decision.
I took one of my father’s razors, not one of the cruddy disposable ones that you buy at a grocery store, but the real deal, a shaving blade. I think about immediately just slitting my wrists for a second of weakness, but I find my resolve and decide to just put it in my coat pocket.
Around 9 P.M, when I knew that my father and my brother would be asleep, I slipped outside to take a small walk. I already knew where I was going to go before I stepped foot out the door. I was heading to Luna’s house to see if she could help me with my insatiable addiction to sadness. If she could somehow clear all of this up and make my life better.
I kept walking at a steady pace of four blocks every five minutes or so. I needed to see her. I wanted to see her and just fall into her arms and have her say “It’ll be alright,” when I know in the back of my mind that it won’t be okay…like it ever is. I close my eyes softly as the blocks pass by almost in a blur. Four hundred…five hundred…six hundred… Finally, I reach Luna’s familiar house, the memories streaming in from my brain as I smell the lavender plant sitting on the porch.
I open my eyes as I look up to find that Luna’s light is still on, which is strange considering the fact that she usually goes to bed around eight-thirty. I wonder what the hell’s going on up there as I gently step on the stairs leading to the porch, being very careful of the third stair, knowing that it’s the one that always creaks. I drag my feet gently across the porch, seeing a pair of hazel eyes staring at me.
“What are you doing out here in the cold Mica? You know you’ll get a cold,” I murmur softly as I hear the panting of an Alaskan husky in the corner as she runs up to me and starts licking my face off as I start laughing, a small amount of joy bubbling out to find itself carried away almost instantly. I sigh as a migraine starts forming in the back of my head, the pain almost unbearable. I knock three monotone knocks with my right hand, the vibrations echoing off the door.
“Hello? Anybody home?” I call out, hoping that Luna can somehow hear me from all the way up there in her room. No answer at all, not even her mom is answering the door, which is quite unusual for her. My hyperactive mind starts to try and work out exactly what the hell is going on with Luna…maybe she’s studying for the Biology quiz or something important like that, but even then…
The light radiating from the house intensifies as the door opens, revealing a middle-aged woman with light blond hair that looks to be almost white, even though she’s only in her forties. She smiled faintly, like a ghost appearing on her face before it was gone and her eyes were staring me up and down.
“What the heck are you doing here at this time of night, Axel? I understand that you may be here to see Luna, but she’s upstairs with her new…boyfriend.” Luna’s mom smiles again and this time her smile doesn’t go away like it did when she saw me. What the hell? I’m not mean or anything but nice to Luna and this is how her mom treats me…wait just a second…
“Luna has a boyfriend? When did she start dating him?” I shake my head softly, not wanting all of this to be true. It just can’t be…she would have told me if she was going out with anybody. She would have texted me, or messaged me on Facebook…something. Something’s not right here…
“What’s all the noise about?” Luna starts coming down the stairs in her cupcake pajamas when she stops halfway and sees me in the doorway. “Axel…what are you even doing here?” Luna comes down the rest of the stairs slowly, one by one as she looks at her mom and then back at me, as if they can speak telepathically.
“I can ask you the same thing.” I respond calmly, my emotions not playing any part in my decisions. I know that this can’t be happening…it just can’t be true. I hear footsteps nearing ever so slightly closer as I look up, tears already making their presence known in the corners of my eyes… A guy of around fifteen years old comes down the stairs, shirtless. Just my fucking luck…I open my eyes a bit wider and see…
“Xavier…what the hell are you doing here with your shirt off?” My arms start shaking uncontrollably, my head starting to pound as the razor falls down my sleeve into my grasp… I grip it tightly, my fingers gently leaking blood out onto the patio as I watch my friend wrap his arms around Luna, her body molding into his perfectly as he presses her closer to his chest, as if protecting her from some unseen monster.
“I was just upstairs getting a handy from your crush. What are you going to do about it?” Xavier smirks wickedly, the likes of when he wins at a video game that I am superior at. I break the razor resting in my hand in half, blood oozing in two directions as I feel my heart breaking from inside my chest. I just can’t take this anymore…I have to make my move now or never. I pull out my pocket knife that I had gotten when I used to be in the Boy Scouts and slit across my left wrist like so many times before, the burning sensation somewhat comforting to my numb mind, no emotion being able to control my actions. The burn feels amazing as I try to drag the blade across my right wrist, but something stops me…stupid survival instinct…why don’t you just let me die? I tremble as I start swaying, the loss of blood causing me to be off balance. I trip over my own feet and land head first on the icy patio, my head ringing from the velocity in which I hit the ground.
“AXEL!” I hear Luna scream light years away, even though in reality she’s only ten feet or so away. She tries to break free of Xavier’s grasp, but he throws her back inside of the house and closes the door, pushing the bench in front of it to make sure that she can’t even attempt to get back outside. He smiles wickedly as he picks up the knife that had dropped from my fingertips as I fell. Luna pounds on the window, screaming my name and for Xavier to stop, but he wouldn’t listen to her gentle pleas.
By now, my blood had already started soaking into the floorboards, a puddle forming beneath me. Xavier came over to me and leaned down on one knee, holding my knife in his freakishly small fist, his knuckles white from holding on so tightly. Luna breaks the window with one of those dog statues that her dad used to collect. She climbs through the window, tears streaming down her face as she looks at Xavier and then back to me on the ground. He stands up from where he’s kneeling and comes barreling straight towards Luna, the knife that was meant to be aimed at me now locked onto her.
“No!” I whisper, my voice barely audible as I try to get up. I keep slipping in my own blood, my arms turning to Jell-O where the cuts are, still oozing out blood, but at a much slower pace. I bite my lip roughly to not let my screams of agony pour out as I struggle again to stand up without slipping in my blood. I look up to see the thing that will curse my nightmares forever. Xavier had reached Luna before I could even get up, his knife resting right against her throat, a thin line of blood slowly streaming down from the pressure he’s exerting on the knife.
“Don’t make a step, or Luna shall die at my hand.” Xavier yells out, a crazy glimmer in his eyes as he presses the knife ever so slightly deeper. My mind decides now to start thinking about what happened to Luna’s mom…I look around and find her lying on the ground, her jugulars cut to shreds, making it look as if a wild animal had torn her throat out. I start to cry, knowing now that if I don’t do something, that Luna and I will both die…my shoulders shake as I try to take a step closer, out of the blood.
I shouldn’t have even thought about taking a step forward. My legs give out as I watch Xavier slit Luna’s throat in one fatal sweep, her body giving way as she clutches her throat, blood spurting out of it like a fountain. She drops to the ground and looks at me, her eyes slowly glassing over as she says four little words. “I love you, Axel,” before her breathing stops and she lies on the ground, dead. An anger the likes I’ve never felt before bubbles from inside of me as I see Xavier talking on his cell phone.
“Yes, he’s still here, but you need to get here fast if you’re going to be here in time. He tried committing suicide right after he killed these two poor, poor souls and he’s just about to bleed out…Thank you officers.” Xavier hangs up the phone and smiles widely as he comes back to me.
“Looks like you’re going to be in a shit ton of trouble, friend. Let me help you.” He drops the knife and wraps my fingers around it, making it look as if I was the person that killed Luna and her mom… My eyes start to flutter close as I start feeling the pull of death seeping through my body.
“I will freaking kill you, Xavier. Mark my words; I will get back at you for all of this. I will find a way.” Xavier laughs in my face as he starts running down the stairs leading up to the house. “Catch me if you can.” He smiles as the sirens start being heard from down the street, and as I feel the darkness surround my soul, I know that this isn't going to be the end…not by a long shot.